Cookies and Rage

Before Battle

2011-10-27T10:34:00.000-07:00

Let your strength flow into me..because alone I am just a man but with you I become the blast of hurricane winds, the crashing of ocean waves, the conflagration of biting fire and the earth shakes at my approach...without you I am but a man...with you I am the immovable rock...I am crimson victory splashed across boulders of granite...I am icy steel and black obsidian and my enemies quake in fear...fill me with your strength ...vindicate me...I commit myself into your keeping

Facts... just the facts

2011-10-27T10:33:00.002-07:00

Do yourself a favor don't just watch a movie, sit in front of the tv, or read a book. Keep your eyes open an seek out facts. Real concrete facts...When you do you'll be horrified to realize that 90% percent of what the mass media disseminates is an amalgamation of everything from gentle stretching of truth to bald faced redaction of history. Dependence on a third party to determine the veracity of any form of media for you; is an invitation to be lied to. Why would the media do such a horrible thing you ask? Agendas...plain and simple. Agendas are easier to bring to fruition when you win popular opinion. Misdirection; veil actions that border on wantonly criminal in false patriotism and honor then everything that's so dirty comes out squeaky clean. Indulging in a little shroud waving quiets many voices and hides many dark things. I imagine it must be especially satisfying to convince a population to cheer and applaud actions that will ultimately lead to their enslavement. The worlds biggest joke : singing your oppressors praises while starving, sitting in chains, and freezing to death. So do yourself a favor get the facts. Do the leg work; its worth it.

Rights

2011-10-27T10:33:00.001-07:00

The word "rights" is a dangerous and loaded word. Potential is a better one. Rights don't exist; there is only that which you have the potential to attain and that which you have the potential to lose. As long as a person entertains the idea of "rights" they become a slave to the system that dictates what those "rights" are and how far said "rights" extend. Entities with power attempt to sell the term "rights". By doing so they control how much you are allowed to have and whether or not you are allowed to grow while simultaneously attempting to convince you that in spite of obvious truths you are living the "good life". "Things are awesome now don't ask for anything more you have it good". Todays "rights" are tomorrows "potential" shackles.

On Dogs

2011-10-27T10:31:00.000-07:00

Dogs are the perfect backup. My dogs will listen to me and not just wait for their turn to speak, they play and have fun with me....if I play the fool they won't castigate me...in fact they'll probably join in the merry making, they work efficiently and never slotch, and if I am in mortal danger my dogs will even die to defend and protect me..... but all of that isn't the best thing. The best thing about canines is that they understand better than anyone that we are a PACK. A single entity operating together towards a common goal with mutual understanding, respect and love. I am the leader of our pack and my animals depend on me and I in turn protect and nurture them. However if for any reason I am unable to assume the role of pack leader and protector they will rise to the occasion and assume that role; because they are social animals; they assume leadership because someone has to for the good of the pack. The difference is that my dogs don't spend their nights dreaming about how they can screw me over, in order to take the leader position.

For my food lovers

2011-10-27T10:10:00.000-07:00

Here's something nice for you to think about -

Appetizer : Beluga caviar , sour cream , blintzes , apricot blackberry chocolate preserves

Salad : Almond , roasted peaches, water cress, apple wood bacon,

1st course : Rack of Wild boar, randia coco foam, ghost pepper reduction

2nd course: Pan seared medallions of duck, coconut papaya chutney, bourbon cardamom black pepper glaze

3rd course: Clarified butter and lemon smoked Cornish game hen, caramelized truffle red wine chocolate and green chillie reduction

Dessert: 12 layered triple infused chocolate almond fudge cake, new bean slow churned vanilla ice cream

Accompaniment : Prix 2007 Moskowite Ranch Reserve

Prayer Beads

2011-10-27T10:09:00.001-07:00

I'm always confused by folks that wear or carry prayer beads purely for their aesthetics. -

"So why do you have those?" -
"Oh yeah don't they look ill dude" -
"So I gather you don't pray?" -
"No homie I'm an atheist...what's up? You look irritated."
"You're a tool homie"
"What? are some kinda religious nut Sam?"
"Dude, you are a walking talking advertisement for callous absurdity"
"Well I don't see it that way"
"And that's your deal that's fine; I just find it distasteful that you've taken something that has large quantities of religious significance for millions of people and equated them with a slap bracelet"

Starved for attention, Seeking self worth, Praying for validation

2011-10-27T10:08:00.000-07:00

Some guy :"Yeah man isn't it great being a doctor?".

Sam :"Um I guess so at the end of the day that's just a title..administering care and helping people is what's pretty awesome".

Some guy: "Yeah but as a doctor everyone knows the hard work you've done and recognizes it..I love the accolades"

Sam: "Well it's enough for me to know what I've done and more importantly what I do"

(he gives me a puzzled look)

Some guy: "Not me..every time I see Dr. next to my name its a little pat on the back"

Sam: "Like getting a cookie right..that and yer white coat lets everyone know how special you are right?"

(again with the puzzled look)

Some guy: "huh dude what are you talking about I'm a doctor of music composition"

Sam: "Oh....well enjoy that cookie anyway..here we'll even put a gold star next to your name....A++....hugs, kisses, a cherry on top and all that shit too"

Help

2011-10-27T10:06:00.000-07:00

God give me strength for I am but a man. Vindicate me..there is a well I dip into for my strength but being just a man that well has a bottom and when it is empty I cry out to you. Raise me up once again, help me fight, confound my enemies, do not let their dark desires come to fruition in my time of weakness. You see victory even when I cannot, help me to see with your eyes. Help me to fight until I close my eyes in death. Help me not to fear. Help me be a light to those in need. Help me walk the good path and not submit to my baser impulses. Help me never to forget. I can never forget..ever. Give me faith so that I can be steadfast till the end. Make my frame steel and my heart rock for the time ahead. Thank you for your many blessings. Forgive me when I stumble. I will never forsake the gifts I have been given. Give me oil in my lamp, till the darkness lifts and the warm sunlight comes back. Sunshine and chocolate rain are coming...meanwhile I will abide.

Blessed

2011-10-27T10:05:00.000-07:00

When I was younger I was cuter: I had a head full of jet black hair, a warm smile, and a friendly demeanor. People don't think I'm nearly as cute these days.

Now my head is shaved, I hardly smile, and I'm not all that friendly.

Sorry, sometimes it happens; time will make things sparkle less. I'm still happy though because there are just a few people that don't care that I'm bald or that I don't smile hardly anymore or even that I'm less than friendly a lot of the time...for that I am very blessed.

Stand for the Light

2011-10-27T10:03:00.000-07:00

We should stand as a warriors for the light. No I am not, have not been, and probably will never be without folly or flaw and neither will you friends; but in this age of "I'm doing me" bald faced selfishness and brazen callousness; does that matter at all? The fact that : courage, honor, justice, altruism, charity, and empathy are counted rarities among our species is a very sad indictment of the human race and the times we live serving only to prove how very far we have fallen. So shame the devil, confound the plans of evil, and stand for the light. The rewards are meager but the work is valuable nonetheless.

Why?

2011-10-27T09:39:00.000-07:00

You are dog tired right now.

"I am"

So why are you going out to train.

"I have to"

No you don't, yer not belligerent. You're mild as milk; you don't start fights.

"No your right, I try to defuse them as best I can"

I know this can't be a male bravado thing.

"What's that mean?"

You do realize that you are wearing pink flip flops right now

"Ok point taken; no its not about any man thing"

Is it masochistic; you know like I like the pain etc

"Not really; I mean building intestinal fortitude is nice but no; its not about the pain"

*shrug*

Well maybe you just have more energy

"No, I'm dog tired"

So why are you going out to train?

"It's important"

Why?

"God forbid, if one day there is a someone who can't be reasoned with and they decide that they want to take something from me that I care about....they aren't going to care if I'm dog tired.....it's not about attaining...its maintaining. As much as it can be prevented I want to keep from losing the things I love. Working towards monetary compensation while it allows you to buy nice things; is of primary importance because it maintains the status quo ie keeping the lights on. I care about the lights staying on. This is just an extension of that...so when it starts clouding up...I will do whatever is within my power to keep the lights on..whether I am tired or not. The rest is in God's hands."

**silence***

"Hello?"

No I was just thinking you look ridiculous in those pink flip flops

"Ok...I'm going out to train"

Have fun..

"Fair" skin

2011-06-10T04:19:00.000-07:00

Among the Indian community there is a very foolish pursuit to become "fairer". It has damaged generations of people and is probably one of the more ridiculous facets of our culture. Entire industries that thrive on Indian society's desire to lighten their skin have sprung up. This skin bleaching industry capitalizes on ill placed insecurity and has damaged the skin of many many people. There are myriads of beautiful people of Indian origin who are variegated shades ; from deep dark ebony to pale creamy alabaster. Well if we're going to be completely open there are many beautiful people from many different ethnic groups who are many different colors but that's a whole different kettle of fish for a whole different day. It has become so ridiculous that at this point a person who is : morally bankrupt, self serving, uninteresting, dumb as a brick, and ugly as sin will be marked as a "good catch". While many who are kind, considerate, vivacious, brilliant, and frankly smoking hot drop dead gorgeous (aesthetically)..get branded as : not a very promising partner...why? "Well you know they're just too dark..you know." This is probably one of the most fucking idiotic and callous statements I have ever had the bad luck of hearing. This sentiment breeds sadness and makes many young men and women question their value as human beings. Over what? Their skin....something they were born with...something that makes them beautiful and really contributes in a very insignificant way to their worth as a functioning member of society. Typical bleaching cream commercial ( yes I'm talking about you Fair and Lovely motherfuckers) : young woman goes to a job interview and gets rejected....she goes home and her friend suggests using bleaching cream...she goes back to the same job after bleaching her skin and gets hired on the spot (OMG what do you know)...commercial cuts to a scene of this young lady happy , successful, and wealthy.....look what being fair can do for you. What a steaming pile of motherfucking horse shit. Imagine what good could be done if we taught young men and women to value themselves irregardless of their skin color. What incredible good could be done and what leaps and bounds could be made. Maybe there would be a little progress for once if things could be more than skin deep. Maybe there would be more self confidence and less second guessing. But if I know Indian culture this moronic sentiment will continue for a very long time...but not with my kids I'll promise you that much. I know this is probably a waste and serves no purpose other than to highlight a sad embarrassing aspect of the Indian community but its been bothering me for a while and I thought I should say something. Phew....that feels better..next we'll talk about height, racism, genoism, and narcissists. Oh boy Oh boy!

On Haters

2011-06-10T04:18:00.000-07:00

Haters. There are lots of them out there. Real haters don't care if you are at the bottom of the barrel with your head just above water and they are atop a mountain of gold.... they will still hate on you. Haters will go to the same restaurant everyday to eat lobster and filet mignon walking right past you, sitting on the curb outside. If they happen to catch you particularly destitute and they happen to be particularly brave (because this breed tends to be cowardly by nature)..they will point, laugh, and deride you with their buddies..then go inside to have a great meal while you sit cold and hungry outside. That's where it ends a lot of the time.

Real haters..will do very much the same with a little difference. Most haters will leave it at that and if anything good comes into your life there after they will be comfortable with the fact that they were above you at one time and leave it alone. A few very despicable haters will go that extra mile of asshole with the following practice. If anything of any worth, even a tiny crust of bread, comes into your life the hater in question will be filled with a hot rage. They will leave the comfort of their hot meal and warm company to comes outside and knock that crust of bread out of your hands and into the gutter. They will then proceed to move a table outside and eat their meal in front of you laughing the whole time. They are comforted by knowing that they helped deprive you of even a little, and to further emphasis this victory they will then proceed to wave their success in your face.

Why this horrendous behavior? Because ultimately the hater, really hates themselves. They bluster and boast and inside harbor a deep resentment for those that have little but still manage to remain happy. Haters often times will adorn themselves with the newest and most ostentatious garb in order to further bury these feelings and hide the fact that they are more miserable with their lobster and steak then you are with your tiny crust of bread. They will also surround themselves with sycophantic degenerates who act as their narcissistic supply, filling the function of a buffer between the hater and their self loathing..commonly referred to as their "entourage". Often times both entities will work in tandem : the hater parading their paper thin successes in front of this "entourage" and then proceeding to drink up the accolades these slaves will invariably spew. This practice is commonly referred to as "flossing".

These delusions of grandeur blind the hater to very important facts. Their place of power isn't really all that stable, in fact many of the aforementioned variety often have more to lose due in no small part to their elevated position. They live under two misconceptions.

First that the object of their misplaced aggression will always be "below" them, and that the status quo will remain indefinitely. This would explain the surprise that they often exhibit behind clenched tooth smiles when they hear news of someone whom they have been "hating on" coming into success. This in turn will cause their aggression and covetous hatred to increase and they may resort to numerous additional psychological tactics and sometimes physical tactics in order to exact revenge. Revenge for what you might ask? The hater must do anything to separate themselves from their self loathing; your success causes them to mentally decompensate in a sense. The status quo must be maintain : "How dare you...even attempt to better yourself...and even more audacious....how dare you succeed...how dare you make me feel bad about myself." It's as simple as that, the hater feels personally affronted that the object of their hatred has done well for themselves and views it as a direct attack.

Second and most importantly, haters often times believe that nothing can touch them. They will do anything to try time and time again to hide their inadequacies. If there is a potential for them to lose face in a situation they will make any number of excuses to prevent a confrontation because like I said before: inside all haters are yellow to their core and their cowardice is only superseded by their arrogance. If a hater is foolish enough; sometimes their arrogance will get them into a direct confrontation. This is dangerous ground from them because often times the object of their aggression has less to lose and everything to gain. The passive aggressive tactics of a hater do them little good in an altercation...so pour on the heat if they confront you directly. If presented with minimal force and maximal pressure the hater's thin veneer will crack and shatter.

So what does this mean for you? Stand your ground. Smile when the haters pass by..wave at them too. Even if you are down and out; smile at them. Live your life, be happy and move forwards. Like I said before it really does stoke the fire when a hater sees you smile. Learn to smile now and you will still be smiling when you ARE way above them at cruising altitude. They'll hate you more then but hey, they hated on you when you had nothing...its ok..let them hate on you now that you have everything. Their lives are so empty as it is...let them hate because that's all they can and will do. If you get lucky enough while you are down and out to have a hater confront you. The gloves are off..they've crossed the line..lay into them. Take not prisoners..destroy them. If you could liken the human heart and mind to a city....set torch to every roof, raze every building to the ground, and salt the earth when you are done. The hater in question has not shown you any courtesy and you have remained pleasant in spite of all their abuse. Now that they have over stepped their bounds...there is no place for civility. Be the whirlwind...and carry away everything that they hold dear..you are within your rights to do so. A loss like that is very damaging to the hater psychologically and may even stave off any further attacks for a time.

In closing, I know that I have a tendency to be rather wordy..lol case in point. In plain english it comes down to this : Hater are gonna hate. If given the opportunity to roll up on you and snatch away that last drop, they will.. because they're just fucked up like that. Keep your head up, because every dog has their day sooner or later. The haters can laugh and carry on now : let them boast, brag, and talk all that bullshit now. You'll get yours very very soon. In the meantime; if they step to you...do not punk out. If it comes to a battle of words cut them down..most of them aren't that articulate to begin with so this shouldn't be too hard. If it comes to and actual fight..oh baby...get ready to throw down. Its ok..God gave you two good hands..throw those thangs. If yer outnumbered you have little to worry about : chances are none of their punk ass friends are gonna jump in to save the day. Be strong and handle your business; it'll be worth sending that message : "I wasn't bothering nobody and you had to roll up on me talkin all kinds of bullshit and trying to start some trouble...that was a bad idea..it's hard to floss and look good for your homies when yer spitting out teeth isn't it..so why don't you gather up whatever's left of your dignity and fuck off now."

Stand tall, smile, and don't let those haters get you down..victory is fast approaching...hold on just a little longer.

The Cost of Leadership

2011-06-10T04:17:00.000-07:00

Somethings shouldn't have changed. Years ago if two groups of peoples had a disagreement a meeting was held and their differences were discussed. If a middle ground could not be met two things could then happen. The two groups could arm themselves for battle or the leaders could meet in single combat to spare the lives of their warriors. If a challenge for single combat was presented by one ruler and his opponent refused to meet said challenge the latter party would often be dubbed a coward and traitor to his/her people more incline to send better men and women to die in their stead. Often times the leader position was not as highly sought after for this very reason. A leader would have to weigh the value of political power with the potential risk of single combat and death. With time rulers gained greater power and the position of king's/queen's "champion" gave rulers the out they needed. Thus a ruler could challenge another to single combat and their respective champions would duel to the death leaving these political leaders unscathed. How much better would the world be and how much less blood would have been shed across the years of human history if political animals were forced to face the same deaths that they condemn thousands upon thousands of nameless and faceless to die in their stead. Maybe political leaders would think twice about their arbitrary decisions if they knew that "their" lives were potentially on the line. Politicians would learn to care for their brothers and sisters on a much more visceral level. If politicians risked the same sufferings that their flighty decisions heaped on their constituents perhaps they wouldn't be so willing to make them for monetary or political gains.

Tenacity

2011-04-27T12:15:00.000-07:00

It pays to be tenacious. Some will say that you are bludgeoning your face against an immovable wall. That is not true. Be tenacious. Everyday is resistance against the grist mill; the implacable uncaring machine that is trying to grind hope into dust. Fight forever; make the enemy pay dearly for every inch they try to take away. Fight..because to fight is better than to submit. Have hope; there is victory fast approaching. Never ever relent ...they may attempt to set you back but they cannot cast you from your course. That decision is yours; only you can decide to give up. Do not do it; instead live your life; enjoy everything that life has to offer and move forwards but never forget that there is a battle at hand. Live your life because moving forwards in other facets of your life is the one thing that cannot be stolen from you; but never ever let them believe that you have given up. It burns your oppressor even more that you are happy in spite of all their attempts to make your world a desolation; while you simultaneously continue, always continue to fight. Be tenacious and filled with hope there is no way that you can lose. Stand your ground. The light of day comes after the rain. Always.

Bonfire of the Sanities

2011-04-27T12:13:00.000-07:00

Give in to me you will feel so much better after you do...

Close your eyes and fall into me I will show you sleep I will take you away to rest and sublime release...

I know that your burden is crushing and your heart is care worn;

Let your reason flow into me...I will give you a gift… my boon...

And you will be whatever your heart has desired to be.

All else will fall away and your rationing mind will slumber for a time....

Sit beneath my spreading boughs and dream...where I am there are no weeping children, no bills, no creditors, no worries, no diseases, death, aging, or broken hearts...

Eat of my fruit...and let your belly finally be full...

Leave your world of care behind and for a time sleep...

For, you can stay as long as you wish...

And that world of care will pass like a glass before your eye...but you will remain...you will abide...

And, if you choose to take your long ease I will make the transition quick and painless...

Slip into my arms ...open your wrists; you will sleep forever and feel peace...

I'll hold you close my tired babe and kiss your lips and take your breath into me...

There is nothing so precious as that final whispering breath...

The one that goes back to God...

Where's the LOve Jam??????????

2008-09-08T16:52:00.000-07:00

Ok this one isn't mine...I got this one from a kick ass friend w/ extrees (dunno where she got it )

Orange blackberry marmalade recipe ingredients:

1 liter mashed blackberries
3 oranges
1 kilogram sugar
200 grams dark chocolate chips
1 pouch liquid fruit pectin

Chocolate marmalade recipe instructions:

To get mashed blackberries: Clean and wash blackberries, pour water in them and cook them to soften for about 10 minutes (to 1 kilogram of blackberries add 1 deciliter of water). Cool it for few minutes. Mash blackberries in food processor (you should get about 1 liter of mashed blackberries).

Wash oranges, grate orange peel and squeeze the juice from them.

Pour sugar, orange peel and juice in mashed blackberries and cook it again (stirring it all the time).

When fruit mix starts to boil, stir fruit pectin in it. Remove foam from the surface of the marmalade with a spoon and stir chocolate chips in it to melt for few minutes.

Remove blackberry orange marmalade from the heat and give it a good stir.

Pour hot fruit marmalade in the sterilized warm jars, seal them and place jars in dry and dark place.

Best eaten on Russian Pumpernickle with a tall glass of OJ or a hot mug o' joe

Enjoy Bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Despair

2008-06-22T15:04:00.000-07:00

Paint your face for me. Paint it crimson. Arm in arm across the way. Sprinting towards the edge. Falling into fire ; swim in my eyes. Doused in blackness and gasoline. Torment and tension stitched to and thru skin. Razor wire , bone , sinew , and blood. It’s rising up in me and I can’t stop it. I write on the walls trying to keep it at bay. I don’t want to again. I don’t want to. But I can feel it clawing at me; biting at me. Little teeth. Gleaming chompers. Dumping lava into my veins. I squeeze tight, curl into a ball trying to crush the snake in my belly. It starts small…little sparks ; then the bigger logs begin to catch light and I’m up and away. Blazing like an inferno I’m gone outta sight. Running to the brink I can feel the heat under my feet and the wind on my face. I wish I could burn right up…I need relief then it’ll be gone. Something anything to clear away the slate of my heart and make me blank inside. I close my eyes and demons of love and loss cavort across the darkness. There is no peace. There is no peace and I wish the earth would open and swallow me. The urn of my soul is broken and all of me is gushing out. The sand drinks it up greedily begging for more and I wish I had none left to give. But more and more and more keeps flowing out. Like a finger in an open sore. Like that infected tooth that you can’t keep from touching with your tongue. The scab you can’t help but pick. I’m hurting and I wish I could force myself to end it. I want to smear blood across my forehead and rub my face with ash. I want to sit under a moon black as sack cloth and lament loss , despair against finality , and rage indiscriminately against anyone and everything till my fingers are worn down to the bone and I cough blood in vivid gaudy streams. To hear the sound of anyone screaming except me would give me peace. Instead of sitting inside this tomb to lost love and rehashing everything…going over the words and the days and the years again and again. I run my fingers over it studying the crevices and crannies looking for an imperfection. Some indication...something to tell me I could have seen this all coming. I’m at ground zero…a pillar of ash...stark and alone, oblivious that the world around me has drastically changed and the road ahead is dark , lonely and uncertain. I feel spent and all that’s left is this quiet agony. I’m at the edge of the abyss; one good shove is all I need. Then I could escape into the black...falling forever…and finally have peace…instead of looking at scattered pictures and shattered glass…Instead of praying for my love to come back…instead of waiting for the joy in my eyes to return…I miss her

Syphon off Poison

2008-02-09T17:56:00.001-08:00

Peace like something electric...

Tranquil vermilion lightning...sublime lemony calm... Quiet sitting in urns on shelves...sitting forever they have been...

Cool, chilly, frozen cement solid and cracking...breaking open... Spilling wave after wave of licking flame, azure consuming fire all over everything....

It’s the indigo shock wave baby shrouded in a black cloud of fine dust.... Burning me up...turning my heart into a slab of granite....

It's poison...an emetic I greedily drink up that twists my body into impossible contortions...

Breaking bone and tearing sinew until the righteous stupidity reaches its grim fruition... Hacking up vomit that coalesces into steamy puddles of self loathing in the dark places that I hide inside myself.....

Here's the cure... drench your hair with axle grease and chew bricks with broken teeth...

Then serenity will run in dark rivulets from the honeycomb into the spike....

A shard of glass in the throat and the adder's pin prick...body pinching what I am in a contracting vice... Reticulating bands of steel glowing under crimson lights in everyday spaces...

Murdering the anguish... suffocating in the touch of rosy lips on mine...a kiss that slips through my shift quick and easy... razor sharp... Freeing loops of intestine....like an avalanche covering ire and tension in cold white antibiotic calm...

Bodies falling into bodies... locked in my mind’s eye...slick with plasma... rocking back and forth...slippery… so slippery

Sighs intertwining... sewing ribbons of ecstasy to and through my skin... Images drawn in the sand...

Sand melting into glass on the leafy green beaches... Beaches that touch cool water under an eggplant purple sky...

Her indigo eyes ...eyes that sometimes see everything inside me...then fade to blindness black....

Hungry eyes looking for a face to come home to......

Lying in bed and watching the corners of her mouth move...smile...frown...smile...

Her glittering pupils...not jaded by purgatory... And making love to her is making music written in the dark waves of security, trust, and innocent love....

Those waves lap up on my shore and I'll have her little shoes under my bed and fewer monsters in my closets...and

Finally calm and quiet...

Calm like a pool of blood...

Quiet like a dying man's last breath of oxygen...

At last sweet and warm…

Sweet like drops of chocolate rain…

Warm like that first ray of sunshine….

Hard is the Path #2: Biscuits and Gravy

2008-02-08T21:38:00.000-08:00

Creamed chipped beef poured over buttermilk biscuits. Some people call it shit on a shingle. It tastes like manna from heaven. Why am I so hungry? How long was I asleep for. The waitress sets down my second order and quickly retreats to the other end of the counter. I must look terrible..she spares one final uneasy glance then goes through the double doors to the kitchen. I can feel the little metal talon in my pocket. It seems to sit uneasy there , thrumming with some preternatural life of its own. The jacket I picked up had cigarettes , thank the powers. I pull out the battered pack of Pall Malls. Searching around for a light. No matches on the counter. Hmmm.. No waitress either. No other customers. Nothing strange about this I suppose it is 3 am I should be happy. These all night spots aren't as common as they once were. Then I notice the steam leaking through the doors to the kitchen. Something isn't right here. I slide over the counter and cautiously make my way to the doors. I push through and am assaulted by the sharp coppery smell of spilt blood. The kitchen is a mess to say the least. Blood is everywhere. Its like someone ran out of Dutch boy and open their wrists to finish up. There is blood burned black on the griddle. Beneath it all is another stench. This miasma hits my like a tidal wave of refuse and rancid meat. Like the last breath of a terminal cancer patient. The door to the pantry is open. I can hear a low chirping sound. Not particularly menacing. Thats when it steps past the lintel. Its the waitress but the semi attractive women with the impressive endowments is long gone. She moves in strange jerking movements like a scorpion on hot asphalt. No shoes now...no feet for that matter. Precariously balance on three rather long , and rather menacing talons. Her left hand is a scythe of bone ending at a jagged evil looking edge. Her other hand has not faired much better ..bent back wards at the elbow as though she had wished very greatly to scratch her own back..wicked claws now, no dainty digits. A gaping maw loaded with knitting needle teeth has replace the pouting lips. The eyes are the worst..lengthen backwards over her forehead. Whites now yellow as rotten egg yolks. Full of surprise and malevolence. Like Mickey mouse's eyes after years of filandering and alcohol....desperate for my liver. Unbelievably she speaks..its a high chittering sound like breaking glass on ice. "Was there anything else you needed?" I back away horrify and she is closing on me..hungry still. Then I can feel it my pocket hot like a coal. The talisman..as I pull it out a blue ball of fire flashes from the hanging pendent forcing me to shut my eyes. I can hear it shriek in rage and pain. I don't catch what happens next its all to fast and I cant see clearly. The back door is torn off its hinges and I see the waitress flee.... The fire is gone as suddenly as it appears. I think its time to leave. I go back out and grab my bag and walk to the door. "You are probably wondering what this is all about" a voice says from behind me. I'm getting ready to book fearing the worst. "Don't run my friend ..you are more important than you know" I turn to the voice..its owner is an older man fairly squat and unimportant looking in a trench coat and fedora looking like a G-man of old. I tell him I need to get out of here and fast. "Where are you going?" Home I say... " Pal there is no going home...You have a higher purpose." " Just have a seat...do you hear sirens ...noone is comming." I want to run ...but something makes me turn around and walk to the booth the little man gestures too. " Good very good" Well I suppose it won't kill me I say.. "Very true ...very true old son ..I know that for a fact..after all if I'm right...you already died once today...and you seem to be handling that rather nicely"

Get Your Joy Coconut Crunch Doughnuts

2008-02-08T12:29:00.000-08:00

These doughnuts are pretty kick ass--->

2 eggs
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/4 cup milk
2 tablespoons melted shortening or vegetable oil
2 1/3 cups sifted all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup flaked coconut

topping :

1/2 cup flaked coconut
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup finely crushed graham crackers
5 tbs cinnamon and 5 tbs confectionery sugar
6 tbs butter

Beat eggs with sugar until light; add milk and cook shortening. Add sifted dry ingredients and coconut; stir just until blended. Chill several hours.

Roll out on lightly floured surface to 1/2-inch thick. Cut out doughnuts with doughnut cutter. Fry in deep hot fat (375 degrees F) until brown; turn and brown other side (about 1 minute per side). Drain on paper towel.

Topping :

Melt half butter in pan. Do not allow to smoke or burn. Mix graham crackers, flour , and brown sugar. Now you should have pea size granules. Allow to cool. Melt other half of butter and drizzle over doughnuts in a tuber ware container ( with lid). Sprinkle granules and flaked coconut over doughnuts. Closed container with lid and shake to evenly coat all doughnuts. Garnish with confectionery sugar and cinnamon. Chill or eat now.

Optional : Shake doughnuts with 6 tbs coconut water or 4 tbs coconut cream before garnishing with confectionery sugar and cinnamon.

Makes 1 dozen. Don't forget to use the doughnut holes too.

Enjoy Bitches !!!!!!!!!

My Sunshine Machines

2008-02-08T11:48:00.001-08:00

Happiness is like warm sunshine on my face. The feeling of grass between my toes. The sound and smell of falling rain. The crisp sharp aroma of dry leaves in autumn. Happiness is important. Too many people roam around this world without "the happy". Its important. Important to have a well of joy to dip into. If you can't be happy inside , in and of your self you can not expect anyone to make you happy. If its not here now , no one is going to bring it with them to give to you. Granted people can make you feel happier. But the void inside will never be filled if you don't find your joy , taste it , smell it , and own it. I love my dogs ; no matter how bad I'm feeling they are always happy to see me. Even if the world is angry with me they walk in , tails swishing , and start pumping out that good vibe. That love. That sunshine. I Love my sister..she is a powerful person ; a pillar of strength ; my phoenix. I Love my girlfriend..she is my best thing; my love ; my best friend ; my little bear. I love to pinch her thigh. So I sit here in my chair...looking around at the Anger Cafe and take a moment to reflect on the fact that even though injustice and stupidity..callousness and pain seem to permeate everything and the world is an unfair place; I am glad because I have my joy..its inside me..flowing through me...and as I soak up the rays pumped out by my great things..my great people..my sunshine machines..it flows through me and I start pumping it out too... that joy juice , that sublime happy , that awesome frenetic love...that good vibe baby....I'm a lucky man

My Happy Roast

2008-02-06T16:40:00.001-08:00

This is a recipe for a fairly good roast :
3 - 5 lb Roast : can be loin , shank , shoulder , undercut can be used but not preferred
1/4 cup cumin
1/4 cup coriander
1/4 cup paprika
1/4 cup rosemary
1/2 tsp crushed clove
1/2 tsp crushed cardamom
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tbs ground ginger
2 tsp salt
5 tbs garlic powder
2 cups chopped green onion
1/2 cup crushed dried red pepper
1/2 cup crushed black pepper
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 cup red wine (anything but merlot , don't cook with anything you wouldn't drink)
2 cups dried fruit ( prunes , apricots , figs or all three)
1 packet cream of mushroom soup
5 tbs olive oil
1 large beef tomato
1/2 cup cream cheese
2 cups steamed spinach
1 large baking dish
cooking twine

Prep:

Score the surface of your meat cross hatch against the grain
Combine cumin , coriander , paprika , rosemary , cardamom , cinnamon , ginger, salt, red wine , and soup
Cover meat with this mixture and knead into the meat
Ensure that meat is completely submerged in liquid
cover and let marinate over night
Combine chopped steamed spinach with cream cheese
Core tomato removing all pulp and seeds
Stuff tomato with cream cheese spinach mix and set in fridge to cool
Next day:
Remove meat from marinade and pat dry reserving marinade
Preheat oven to 453 degrees
Place olive oil in baking dish and place on stove
Place meat on cutting board lengthwise
Place dried fruit along the meat lengthwise
Tie roast ensuring that fruit is securely nestled within
Using tongs lightly sear the outer layer of the roast in the olive oil
take off and place on cutting board
rub with red and black pepper , garlic powder and brown sugar
place in oven
cook to your liking : rare , medium , well etc periodically baste with marinade and pan drippings when done remove from oven
cut away twine
slice roast into 1 1/2 inch slices
use pan drippings and 1/2 cup coffee with 1/2 cup redwine for some red eye gravy
place 3 slices of roast on a plate
cover with red eye garnish with your stuffed tomato and chopped green onion (you can substitute a baked potato if you like that better)

Enjoy Biatch!!!

Wish list Cafe

2008-02-06T07:36:00.001-08:00

Today's dish : Vengence --->

Vengence creeps in dark alleys on spider legs...
Quiet on kitten paws...
Red maw poised...
Trap ready to spring and gout blood..
There is no room for remorse..
No room for reason...
The lash is out....
Screaming sweet crimson rage..
Primal triumph...
Chattering teeth...
Broken bones...
White hot antibiotic agony...
Rain..black rain...
Grinning...Justice...grinning
I like Justice...

Agony

2008-02-06T07:30:00.000-08:00

Agony

The perception of pain is a profound entity. Pain , is a multifaceted highly variegated yet almost ephemeral machine. Nocireceptors innervated by "A delta" nerve fibers detect pain sensation through out the body. The exact mechanism of pain is incredible in that from the instant of stimulus nerve impulses fire traveling at almost 20 meters per second sending signals to the brain which in turn sends impulses back to the site of stimulus. For the sake of discussion let us consider , the lit end of a cigarette pressed against an erect nipple. The instant the burning end of the cigarette comes into contact with the delicate skin of the aforementioned nipple alarm bells sound. The "A delta" fibers react to this stimulus releasing neurotransmitters : Glutamic acid and Substance - P these in turn send electrical impulses racing along nerve fiber axons to the dorsal horn cells in the spine and finally to the thalamus in the brain. Doesn't sound too impressive until one considers that as I intimated previously pain is multifaceted. Pain sensation is heightened by other adjacent stimulus . For all intensive purposes the pain of accidental exposure of the nipple to a burn and a cigarette burn to the nipple are the exact same pain. Why then is the act of someone placing a cigarette against said nipple so much more distressing. The mind is an animal that can turn on its master in an instant. The visual stimulus of seeing someone placing a cigarette against your nipple and deriving sadistic pleasure from it can heighten pain. The smell of your own flesh charring , the taste of acid rising in your gorge in disgust all contribute to the perception of pain. Even the natural avoidance reaction of closing the eyes and turning away from the pain stimulus dump acetyl choline into your blood stream heightening fear and in turn pain. In this sense pain can be conquered by simply concentrating on the pain..in essence "owning" your pain. This act of acceptance releases endorphins into your system calming you and ultimately filling you with a feeling of elation and euphoria. The body reacts by selectively inhibiting and dampening the travel of pain along the spinal cord , and the resting threshold of pain is increased. The synapses that receive pain stimulus become flooded with. positive stimuli and all receptors for pain get occupied not allowing for any further perception of pain. The smell of burning flesh etc. may be distressing but your acceptance and acute awareness of the pain while not preventing damage to your rather unfortunate nipple..or even completely numbing the pain..does go a long way to changing your minds interpretation of this pain...you begin to welcome the sensation "Yes , this is bearable , come now, you need to dole out more if you want me to scream". Pain like anything else that we perceive is chemical. Once understood any negative stimulus can be dealt with the same way acute pain is. Your knowledge of pain sets you free. You are stronger than you were before.

Hemoptysis

2008-02-06T07:26:00.000-08:00

Hemoptysis :

The act of coughing out blood -->can be minimal to massive in quantity. Massive hemoptysis can be in excess of 3-4 liters;

An instance of hemoptysis can occur suddenly , and massive hemoptysis can , and often does, kill in a matter of 15 seconds from the onset of the episode to its final grisly conclusion. The patient expires as a result of aspirated blood coating the pulmonary alveoli which in turn arrests essential gas exchange in the lungs ; oxygen saturation drops ; the body in a valiant yet futile effort to maintain equilibrium stimulates the heart to pump faster but massive blood loss lowers the blood pressure , resulting in less blood being pumped to vital organs and as a result drastically less oxygen , less oxygen causes the nerve cells in the brain to die , misfiring nerve centers in the brain stem cause the already failing heart to pump erratically , asynchronously and violently , until the cardiac muscle , deprived of life giving oxygen , stops beating and a condition known as "cardiac arrest" in sues ; the patient now drowning in their own blood , deprived of cardiac support , and severely brain damaged , finally and mercifully shuffles off the mortal coil.

A Whisper

2008-02-06T07:21:00.000-08:00

There is no voice...Have you ever noticed that? No one can hear you. You can scream and scream and scream until your voice is raw and you are coughing blood and still...no one can hear you. There are too many things wrong and even worse too many people willing to close their eyes. And even worse there are so many other people who knowing , that afore mentioned eyes are closed , elect to follow anyway. I'm fucking sick of it all. Too much corruption..too many people worried about their own petty bullshit..too much motherfucking drama..its enough already..a change is coming. Big things are happening..big things that effect everybody , but evidently none of that stuff is important enough. There are a few people that care. Too few , and that's very unfortunate. As I write I know nothing will change. Then why write? Well , If I know that the house is burning down , its not in me to go from room to room just whispering "fire". There are a few people , however , who have found a way to break through..and get to a platform where they can , shout. Loud and clear for the whole world to hear. And that , reader is the saddest bit of all..the ugly despicable truth ; because , if you ever get up there to the podium to talk ,you suddenly become aware that its your first real chance to see..to really see. And you do see... your audience , that is. And they have their fingers in their fucking ears , eyes tightly shut , and big vacuous grins plastered on their high pristine faces. Its not that they can't hear your voice. They don't want to listen. Wondrous fucking oblivion I suppose. That's enough reflection for now.

Hard is the Path : #1. It Begins

2008-02-06T07:11:00.000-08:00

There is blood spattered on the walls..
I'm naked
Up to my ankles in it..
Chainsaw glazed with gore..
How did i get here...
Where was i last night...
There is something in my fist..it looks like a talon.
There is a glow coming from the nightstand drawer..
inside is an oval piece of metal..a pendant perhaps..
embossed on its surface is the rude effigy of a cavorting devil..
This small talisman gives me comfort..
There is a brief case on the table..
Its full of money...
When look down at my chest i see strange symbols tattooed on my skin..
This is all very puzzling..why cant i remember?
i need to leave..
i take the briefcase,and the jacket i put the claw in my pocket
i find a pair of sneakers in the closet with the jacket
Last I put the talisman in my pocket..it feels good there....feels right for some reason
i also take the corn-beef sandwich and beer from the fridge..
i step out into the rain..
where is home...
I feel there is something i need to do , what , i don't know
I'll figure it out on the way...but right now i need to get far away..
the rain washes the worst of the blood away..
i worry the barbed wire out of the wound..
i walk..slowly..searching for a snatch of familiar
but its like chasing a puff of smoke..
almost.. but never all there..
i will remember..i need to find answers to these questions...
last thing..
there was an empty tote bag under the bed..
i took the chainsaw too..